I recently ran across an old article about Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. They were divorcing at the same time that I was and I remember reading their statement about Conscious Uncoupling. It was sensational and ridiculed but there were couples that were already doing this despite the standard narrative that divorce had to be ugly and painful. I considered myself to be conscious and peace loving but my uncoupling did not occur in that way despite my desires for it to. For whatever reason, some things happen as they should rather than as we would choose but I did do my absolute best throughout the process.
It didn't help that I felt crushed by shame and guilt regarding getting divorced. The conditioning from religion and society was very heavy and deep in my psyche. Divorce was not an option. That was drilled in my head and despite the fact that I was getting divorced, so clearly it was an option, those words that I grew up with fucked with me big time.
Then on top of the stigma of divorce was the "single mother" stigma. Double whammy. The vision of a used up woman that no one wants, that is struggling to make ends meet to feed her children, her body no longer desirable from pregnancies, vagina stretched out, shunned by men that don't want her children. Yeah, there's a lot of that out there. More standard narrative. Fuck it. That's what I did. I changed the narrative and thankfully many others have too. Feminism has helped to transform this but it still exists.
The reality is that divorce rates are near 70% according to some statistics and that doesn't include domestic partnerships that aren't legally married. That's a lot of people walking around loaded down with shame and guilt. Wow. What about a new narrative? How can we create new possibilities for relationships? Human beings are very fluid. Maybe our relationship structures can be too. We are in a time where we enter into relationship for love or desire rather than dependency. We mostly have sex for pleasure rather than procreation. Our ways of living have changed but the stories that run though our minds bringing us shame and guilt haven't.
Human beings create story after story and those stories play themselves out as the lives that we live. I'm choosing an empowering story. Here's my current one. A hot, badass sex, love and relationship coach, divorced with two amazing kids, having the time of her life and teaching others how to do the same!